Suffocating Under Fragility

featured in our upcoming Identity issue

I heard trauma can leave you stuck in the age it occurred 

Sometimes I think about how 

If I were to stretch out the entirety of my existence 

And fold it over the length of me 

It would all equal out to twenty-two. 

I think about how much time has passed since then 

How each day forward is still tethered to that moment in the past 

I’ve settled for just surviving for so long 

I didn’t realize how feral i’d become 

I want to stretch

To grow into this new capacity of me 

To fill out my silhouette and thrive 

But I’m scared 

and when I’m scared 

I’m angry

And it all becomes so 

Disorienting 

I shrink back into the shape of twenty-two

A body that gets more cramped with each passing day 

Am I really safe here?

- submitted by Xourtney

@_cvlt_/@_xvlt_