Time
Featured In Flurry Magazine’s Upcoming Nostalgia Issue
Written By: Ebonee Bailey
Illustrated By: Ericka Manhan
I woke up this morning and I thanked God and then told myself
I love you
The first time I said it and actually meant it
I turned over and held myself very close
Let my hands wander through my body
And let myself know that my tears weren’t in vain
Where did all your love go?
To a lover, a friend, your mother?
It’s bout damn time I gave it to me
All those nights, I wondered where was some proper love for myself gonna come from
When I should have been looking in the mirror this whole time
Those big, brown eyes look even better after you cry
Though you’ve always tried to hide your tears
I told my reflection, “Don’t be scared,
Come say hello
This is you, remember? Your old best friend.”
And then I saw the child - in me
That beautiful little girl
That knew that she was beautiful and the world was her oyster
Before she let the world convince her
That her love wasn’t hers to keep
Before she believed what anyone said
That who she was and how she was
Wasn’t good enough for them
So she spent years dumbing herself down
And grew up to be you
Time is merely a concept. Time does not heal wounds; it lets you know that one day that the pain and mental agitation you feel right now will one day, it just becomes a memory. However, when depression has been your main obstacle for the majority of your adolescence, time tends to have a more compromising view. It feels like you have too much time. Too many moments alone. Too many silent lights and hesitant mornings and evenings filled with fury while your afternoons burn you out like that big ball in the sky. Now I didn’t write as a way to depress anyone but, to speak to those who had some of their most vital years ripped from them as we spent more time figuring who we were instead of being able to just embrace those times we never wanted to forget.
In school, you were told that there are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day, and 365 days in a year. You were taught to pay attention to deadlines and make time to study and not to waste your time with fraudulent people and interactions. But were you told how long does it take to heal from not a broken heart, but a broken mind? Were you told how long the rain lasts? Were you taught that time is not linear and it’s never too late to start over...and you can start over as many times as you need to?
I want you to know that time can play a trick on you and make you feel that there are not enough hours in the day and your healing is going to get you left behind if you take too long. None of that is true. I know you have screamed into that void. You were hollering for help, making lots of noise and it’s only because you hate feeling so ignored. But if I told you that yes, you are still sane, your cries were not in vain, and everything in this time is temporary, even your pain.
Because one day, you will wake up with sun in your eyes...and you will realize time was on your side this whole time.
Ebonee Bailey - @theefinestebonee
Ericka Manhan- @bigpurpleglitterdrip