i dream a dream of u, all of u
i see you in my dreams
in a realm where i’m not me
and you’re not you.
in a space made of atoms and molecules,
where the vestibules are full of bubbles.
in a space made of
different space. of different air. of different cares.
i see all the men i’ve loved before.
some whom i’ve never touched. never met.
i see them– across different corners of the multiverse.
i feel your presence, your lack.
your hands caressing my back.
your warmth, your betrayal.
it seems i’ve chosen you in every universe,
although i’d rather not,
you all made me weak, made me weak–
took me to a peak
of despair.
i’ve chosen you in every universe we have yet to cross paths in,
where you’re not you and
i’m not me.
spaces and places neither of us are meant to be.
in the ones where you don’t appear in my dreams.
my memories of us are vague,
i try to forget because
they feel like a plague.
a conglomeration of madness and badness and sadness.
of endless longing,
of ache, and heartbreak, and my past mistakes.
why must you appear in my dreamstate?
to remind me that maybe in another place or another time,
you would have been mine?
that it would take interdimensional travel for us to belong to one another?
well now, it’s too late.
now, i’m a mother to another’s
maybe,
maybe some place elsewhere our children belong to each other,
our pain,
turns to lust, turns to love.
our betrayal turns to trust.
but here,
in this universe? i choose her.
i have left all the men behind.
she belongs to me here and most likely,
everywhere. she does not exist in my dreams.
because she is my dreams.